BE KIND, REWIND

me-ac’s random weekly update…

SOPHIE’S CHOICE

me-ac was heartened to note that two of our three Big Brother predictions were on the money. It would have been hard to legislate for Steel City’s Shrek, David, jumping the rankings to hit bronze status and one suspects some residual anti-Sapphic bile eventually did for Lisa’s hopes. This same slightly suspect viewing public again showed their essential conservatism by anointing Sophie Reade as their victor by a whopping 74% margin.

Now Sophie may be pneumatically built – almost lab-designed to halt the ailing fortunes of Nuts and Zoo – but she’s also essentially rather plain and dull, the type you suspect would be more than happy to spend Friday night dining on a pepperoni pizza and playing with her puppy rather than propping up the Playboy Mansion. This could yet work in her favour. With the resale value of all former BB housemates at an all-time low, the Nantwich ninny would do well to cash-in on the tabled offer from WindSetlers before her brief currency expires.

And she’d do herself a further favour by ditching the affections of fellow former housemate Kris – a willowy narcissist whose only employment is as a literal slice of window frippery for All Saints (a fashion brand who seemingly specialise in over-priced distressed tat for power-movers too busy, um, power-moving to distress their own tat). Nothing would irk more than their co-joined mugs spewing smugly from the Sunday tabloids so please say it ain’t so.

TSK! TSK!

Not content with defying the planning restrictions of the local council and abusing the goodwill of Mill Road’s fine denizens, the fiercely opposed but trading Tesco Express therein have found a wily way of keeping sure their shelves are stocked to the max at all times. Simple pimple – they deliver to a side street in the early hours using an unmarked lorry. Said lorry has also been a whisker away from smashing into a nearby boy-racer’s pride and joy on at least two occasions, so let’s hope this latest illicit ruse comes unstuck with the swiftness.

CHEWING THE FAT

While me-ac wasn’t too enamoured with the whole hog roast phenomenon it somehow neglected to mention that it is, all the same, a very big fan of the pulled pork sandwich; an enduring staple of New York diners (and best accompanied by a side of parmesan frites). Come to that it’s a big fan of the British banger too, and looking forward to chomping hard on its neighbour’s plump Cairngorm come next Burns Night.

MO’ ’RINE

The aftershocks from our Orange Wednesday screening of Mesrine are still being felt so do go see both films if you get the chance. If not they’re already available as a double DVD in France, but won’t be available for domestic consumption until Decemeber.

COOL KEITH

After Simon Dee’s passing me-ac would also like to pay suitably big respects to the Fleet Street colossus that was Keith Waterhouse – a writer who stylishly crafted a phenomenal 2,000+ newspaper columns and over 16 books and plays, all before lunch. And a Waterhouse lunch was an enviably lengthy and involved affair, often extending into the early hours. Or as he himself put it: “I believe that no-one should go back to work after lunch, but for some unfortunate people it’s in the middle of the working day.”

 Of course Waterhouse was also responsible for the novel and screenplay of Billy Liar – a tale that mirrored his own early life almost to the letter, yet one he also insisted wasn’t autobiographical. It’s mighty monochrome version not only inspired The Smith’s William It Was Really Nothing, it’s also memorable for one of me-ac’s favourite cinema scenes of all time as the titular Billy (Tom Courtenay) comes into conflict with councillor Duxbury (Finlay Currie), whose thick accent he’s been mercilessly mocking…

Duxbury: So tha’s going to London, is ta?

Billy: Aye, ah’m just about thraiped wi’ Stadhoughton.

D: How does ta mean?



B: It’s neither muckling nor mickling.

D: Aye… Aye. Well tha’s gotten me in a very difficult position.

B: How does ta mean, Councillor?



D: Is ta taking a rise out o’ me, young man?

B: No, of course not.

D: Well just talk as thi mother and father brought thee up to talk, then. Ah’ve had no education, ah had to educate myself, but that’s no reason for thee to copy t’ way I talk. Now sither. We’ll noan go ower t’ins and outs of it, tha’s been ower all that down at t’ office. But young Shadrack theer thinks ah ought to have a word wi’ thi father about thee. What does ta say to that?



B: I don’t know.

D: Well don’t look as if tha’s lost a bob and fun sixpence! Tha’s not dead yet!